2 Years Old Means

I'm now sharing a house with a 2 year old. And I've discovered:

• I may find 2 quarters in my tennis shoes.
• I will find real food in a pretend kitchen. 3 days later.
• The journey from tears to laughter and laughter to tears is a very very short journey.
• A juice cup can simply disappear. For days.
• Food is only good if it is on my plate. Food on a 2 year old's plate is yucky.
• Some frustrations are universal and know no generation. Like why have a chair for a figurine if said figurine cannot bend at the waist?
• Big girl beds are for jumping and no amount of bruising will convince one otherwise. However, one bruise from a door jam means that door jam is on notice as evil for the duration.
• There is nothing more beautiful than a staggering 2 year old with a halo of mussed hair in footie jammies in the morning, no matter how early that morning is and no matter how tired I am.
• At any time, anything may come to life and have something to say. This includes good things like a stuffed bunny wanting to hop or a spoon that fell and wants comforted or it can be bad things like shadows and noises.
• "No" can mean instant tears and an instant pile of 2 year old on the floor or it can mean try again or it can mean try again with another parent or it can mean "no" with a willingness to move on. And there is no way to predict what it will mean and in what setting it will mean that.
• I now know exactly what I sound like on the phone.
• A two year old can weave in and out of my legs while I'm walking, which if viewed from the waist up, can make me appear incredibly drunk. I may even trip to avoid a 2 year old and find that 2 year old is no longer in front of me.
• Anyone may receive a phone call from my cell phone at any time.
• Meeting a friend is frightening, but climbing a 7 foot bookcase is safe.
• Other toddlers are fun, but 6 year olds are gods.
• Sometimes being led by a 2 year old makes everything fun. Microwave mac and cheese is an instant adventure when a 2 year old finds a dish cloth, puts it on the kitchen floor, and declares a picnic is in order.
• I now know exactly what Bill Cosby was talking about when he was saying, "Come here. Come HERE. COME HERE. COME here. Come..... HERE."
• It can take anywhere from 30 seconds to 5 minutes to walk from the front door to the car. This depends on how much of it must be jumped, how interesting a leaf is, and if any stars need counting.
• It doesn't matter what color the stickers are, what flavor the skittles are, and how big the praise is. A two year old is going to do it when the two year old is ready to do it.
• A two year old can still fit in my lap. I may have to ask for my kisses now, but I'm still bigger and can steal them at will.
• I still don't have to share a 2 year old... unless I want to. School still seems a long way away, and I want it to still seem a long way away.
• A two year old's head still smells good.