Wednesday, August 25, 2010

If Mothers Ran the World

Motherhood, I've found, is treated like a sisterhood, a club, if you will. I just wanted a baby and tried for a few years. I didn't really want to belong to some sort of club. But, I'm in it now. I've heard from a few mothers that this world would be a different place if mothers were in charge. I'll buy it.

If Mothers Ran the Word:
1. Wars would probably cease. I don't know of any mother in her right frame of mind (i.e. allowed to speak in a culture that doesn't put women at the bottom of the human chain) that would willingly send her child off to war. I know a lot of mothers that are proud of their children who serve in the armed forces, but if the truth were totally aired about why war is occurring and what led up to the war... it would be pretty much... that's enough. And "well he started it" would not suffice as a reason to fight... no matter what "he did".
2. Violence would likely curtail. I have a friend whose child was severely injured in an accident. When I found out about it, I became physically ill. I thought I would vomit. Prior to having my child, I would have been sad and worried. After having a child? Sick. Of course there are drug addicted mothers and mentally ill mothers who are not in their right minds to properly appreciate violence. But, for the most part, violence would slow. Police officers wouldn't be allowed to pop out their tasers for any reason. And police officers would be paid more, get more time off, and would get plenty of sleep. We can't have someone jaunting about one of the most stressful jobs around on an empty stomach.
3. A grand sharing of ideas would ensue. Take some stereotypically motherly/womanly activities and insert into international policy: recipe sharing, babysitting, neighborhood welcoming committees, play dates, mothers' nights out

But I've learned something else about my new club sisters. DAMN, they can be BOSSY! I go on-line a lot and look for what other mothers are doing and see some nice stuff as well as some downright nasty stuff. I was checking to see what my girl should be eating by now, and I saw posts judging other mothers' schedules, feeding habits, napping habits, diapering habits, and on and on. I sometimes ask fellow mothers I know about what worked for their children, and BAM, I get a list of what I NEED to be doing. Hold the phone, sister... just asking what you did. When a group of mothers get together, what are you going to hear? You're going to hear about the mother that isn't there. Of course you'll also hear about the mothers that ARE there. "You really should be letting him cry it out", "Your daughter needs to be eating different foods". "You're going to pay later for letting your baby have a bottle past 12 months". And not a SINGLE one of these judgements is based on any researched best practice.
Maybe the bad parts of the motherhood sister club are due to guilt and insecurity. I think that's probably it. I mean, I'm terrified every day that I'm going to break this little beast that has my total heart in her unstable clutches. I'm an easy target. I'm pretty sure I'm screwing this up anyway, so I'm primed for a beat down. It's just interesting that the bossy beat downs come from fellow mothers.

I envision The World Mother Council

First Order of Business: Spain needs a break. They didn't win that soccer thing, and they just feel tired. Who's going to bake for Spain this week? I see. Lots of volunteers. WONDERFULl!

Second Order of Business: Korea has big bombs. Well then Korea won't get our help for a little while, will it? (Notice... no need to go out and make bigger bombs because if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?).

Third Order of Business: The Mexicans are exhausted with all of the drug related violence. Who can put up some of the families for awhile until we figure this out? WOW! What wonderful response! Mexico? You'll cook if we help? OUTSTANDING!

Fourth Order of Business: Have you seen how Iraq dresses? I wouldn't be caught dead in that. I also think that if they want their children to not have ugly teeth, they'd do better with their dentistry (knowing nod at England).

You get the idea.

I think if we do some clubhouse cleanup (you know the cleanup song, don't you?), we'd be primed for a world take over... IF we stopped telling each other what to do and how to do it and in what order to do it in.

*wandering off whistling the clean up song*